


Break Apart

by FyreinFlair



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M, Poetry, Prompt Fill, Prose Poem, Red Hawke, all the sads in a nice lil package, also yeah it's the ending where anders dies so get ready fam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 16:23:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14359170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FyreinFlair/pseuds/FyreinFlair
Summary: "I wish that I could hate you."The chantry has been destroyed and now Anders knows his end is inevitable.But knowing doesn't make the pain in Hawke's eyes any easier.





	Break Apart

"I wish I could hate you."

 

"Then why don't you? It's not like you've ever shied away from the feeling before."

 

Anders stares directly ahead, refusing to look at her.  The ashes from the destroyed chantry fall like snow around them, littering the ground in waves of black. Wafts of soot and debris clutter the air, making the heavy breaths from their companions seem louder. Surveying the decaying city around him was easier than facing her.  He'd take a thousand angry mobs over one look of betrayal on her face. 

 

He knows he should have told her, should have talked about this the first, second, thousandth time she had asked him what was wrong, what he needed, what was going on.  But what he needed... what  _ Justice  _ needed... the vengeance within him would never reveal.

 

He had planned for months, years on how to accomplish what he has done in one evening. Years of tapping at the weak spots in the wall, finally to deliver the blow that brings the whole thing down.

 

He wanted to tell her, but he knew better.

 

She would stop him.  Break him in two, send him to the Circle, shatter his heart into pieces as she screamed and tore him apart bit by bit.

 

Or more realistically, in her ignorance she would agree with him.

 

What then? She would help him of course, as she always has.  Always offering what rare kindness she had to him and no one else. 

 

She would ask him what he needed.  She would do every step without question, and if she did ask, she would answer his silences for him with a touch, a kiss, anything to fill the space if only for a moment. 

 

It was easy to tell the truth with their bodies.

 

When they were together it was just his body and hers; no awkward pauses, no deception, no Justice, just a collection of moments, of aching gasps and declarations of their desperate devotion to one another.  

 

He wishes he could go back.  Rewind and play house one more time, whispering confessions into soft lips as she assures him everything will be alright. 

 

They would fall asleep in each others arms, skin still warm with love, dreams on the edges of their eyelids. 

 

They would dream of freedom, of lives with children and laughter, of wives and husbands and holding hands down aisles. Breaths of bedtime fantasies begging to become reality. 

 

But it was never just the two of them.

 

Justice was there.  Always there. His blessing and his curse, and finally: his undoing.

 

No.  He could never have told her of his plans. She was his perfect dream come true, the happy ending he doesn’t deserve, and now he has to face his cruel reality.

 

Anders closes his eyes, the smoke in the air being enough to blame for the tears leaving trails down his face. 

 

"Hate me, love. It will make the inevitable easier."

 

Easier for whom? For her? Or for him to accept his fate? He can’t quite decide. 

 

"Look at me."

 

She says this with urgency, her voice much too close for him to pretend she isn't there.

 

Opening his eyes he sees her standing in front of him, her perfect face stained with blood and a mask of anger to hide her pain. She shakingly breathes in, trying to hold herself together.

 

"Tell me you didn't mean it, tell me you don't deserve this. Lie to me."

 

Anders smiles without humor.

 

"You know I can't do that."

 

Hawke blinks slowly, finally letting her own tears escape her dark brown eyes. 

 

"Then... you know you have to pay for what you've done."

 

Anders nods.

 

"I know... For what it's worth, I'm glad it's you. It was nice to be happy... for a while."

 

Hawke unsheathes her dagger.  Reaching down toward him, she pulls him close, resting her forehead against his.

 

"I could never hate you."  She kisses him, one last moment of desperation as she places the tip of the knife to his chest.

 

They break apart. 

 

"I love you." 

 

_ And thank you... _

 

Anders closes his eyes, the knife diving deep into his heart.

 

_ For everything. _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> yoooo so this was a prompt fill sprint thing I did with some pals, the prompt was "I wish that I could hate you" and I felt like this fits peeerrrfffectly with the Anders romance I'm currently doing with my Red Hawke. 
> 
> My first Anders fic but I'm just feeling all the sads so HERE TAKE IT FEEL MY PAIN ENJOY IT
> 
> Thanks for reading fam <3


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